Sink or fly.

Everyone has an emotional bruise or bruises.  Whether we were poor, beaten, abused or never had a bike, to everyone, their pain is REAL, no matter how small their pain is, relevant to our much more substantial pile of #**#.  The point is, we have a choice. Do we spend our life standing on a soap box shouting at the moon about what happened to us, ( by the way, being the victim gets tired real quick, and the crowd gets thinner each second.  Plus the events and people you attract with victim energy only amplifies more blame and suffering.)  Or do we choose to SURRENDER TO bliss and purpose WHICH IS JUST AS REAL AS PAIN. ( I know your inner critic just punched you when you read PURPOSE. But #*#* our inner critic. It’s a lie a house of cards! Your purpose is sacred,  bolted to solid bed rock it’s treasure because YOU’RE TREASURE!)

The point is, do we feed our pain or do we  feed our bliss? What you NEED TO KNOW IS: the Universe is our cheer leader! What ever you choose, suffering or purpose, infinite unlimited energy INSTANTLY focuses on your authentic emotion, even the stuff you’re unaware of! Let me explain my bruise and the choice I made, to sink or fly.

When I was 11, I was an alter boy. Another alter boy friend of mine took his life. I know why he took his life and who abused him because that person targeted me. When my friend died, the Catholic Brother was transferred, sparing me from being erased   I had ZERO tools in my 11 year old emotional tool box to deal with my friend’s suicide. I wasn’t given grief counselling, my parents never talked about it, teachers, no one! So at 12, I became angry. At 13, I began to drink. At 14 I started doing drugs. The next 25 years, I floated rudderless on the sea of my life, from job to job relationship to relationship, LOST!

ALL THE WHILE I felt a need a craving for happiness. At first it was an addiction, the need to be liked.  I became a stand up comedian because the applause was love to me and I followed it, hunted it like a hound dog. I was creating and had a choice: sink or fly. I could use comedy as a vehicle to drink and get high or I could use it as a tool to heal, to discover who I truly was. I chose to heal, to fly.

As I followed my joy I realized I was infected with rage. I was angry but I didn’t know why. So I became sober. The day was January 1st 2000. As I sobered, I began to discover my real feelings, empathy, passion, creative drive to explore story, my story. And let me tell you about emotion and energy. In stand up, if you’re terrified, so will your audience. The emotion you send out, fear, doubt, blame, instantly becomes your results. I discovered, my emotions are the fuel for the results of my humour, that meant, emotions were also the fuel for my life! What I give is what I get!  I’m an antenna and my emotions are the songs the hits that I’m broadcasting.

As I healed I began to explore my anger and stumbled onto my friend’s suicide.  I was volunteering at a hospital and I suddenly shared what happened to a room full of volunteers. I began crying, for the first time in my life, real crying, deep anguish crying. People around me began to hold me which just RELEASED THE FLOOD GATES.

I decided to fly that day by being vulnerable by being honest by sharing my deepest secret. I also began to feel the power of positive emotions. I’d spent enough time  fighting my war. I decided to surrender, stop fighting and move into abundance, serenity, grace and coincidence. As I followed these emotions, I began to fly! I had this over powering need to write, but to not only write but share the energy that I was mining, the Universe, God!

I don’t go to church. I’m not religious but the energy of abundance of possibility of miracles was whispering to me and I #*#ing listened. I began writing The Angel’s Claw. I had no idea what the story was but I didn’t quit. I was sober and I was walking my walk not just talking it. I did one five hundred page draft then another and another and another SIX. When I finished The Angel’s Claw I realized I’d surrendered to powers greater then me, the story something I couldn’t have imagined.

I never hunted the man that abused my friend.  He’ll be punished by a power far greater then us but I did get vengeance in my book. It’s a miracle. I never realized until I finished my book that the catholic priest from my child hood was in my book. ( it does not end well for him) I felt like the weight of the Word lifted off my shoulders when I finished my book. I have four more to write. All of them reveal this Universal power, bliss. Follow your joy. Don’t deny it. Bliss, joy, abundance, miracles, synchronicity, forgiveness, peace, grace, empathy. I did it so can you. Observe your feelings, especially the deep ones, the hidden ones. If they’re not bliss, it’s why you’re stuck. The second you SHIFT to bliss, you get your own jet pack.

I met my wife when I became sober, vulnerable, honest. Her birthday January 1st is the same day as my sobriety . Coincidence?


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