My Secret.

I’ve written and published a novel, “The Angel’s Claw.” I’ve written 3 Fringe plays, was the winner of the Walter Dale theater new playwright contest. I’ve performed at every comedy festival in Canada, and have an hour comedy special on CTV’s Comedy Now. I’ve taught Stand Up Comedy for 20 years and performed Stand Up for over 30, and my secret is, I still feel I’m not good enough, as if I’ll never reach the person I’m capable of being.

Somewhere in me, part of me feels like I’ll never be good enough, I’ll never be able to reach what’s just outside of my finger tips. Yes, I’ve tried to drown this part of me with alcohol, drugs and food. None of it worked. This abyss that’s in me is a dark place that will never be filled with anything from the outside of me. But I do have an answer for my flaw.

Sharing my Stand Up Classes over the years with all my students, listening to you, watching you grow in your creative bliss has given me the continual strength to ask more of me, to always sharpen my saw and become a better teacher, friend, writer and comedian, for you.

I’m not sure what this flaw is in me or where it came from , or who put it there. I’ve always thought that there was never enough, that I’ll always be adrift in a sea of scarcity. I’m not perfect, in a large sense I’m broken, flawed but I embrace it. as one of my students shared with my class: “embrace your imperfections.”

I choose to keep moving into my secret that I’ll never be good enough, that I’m kidding myself that I could ever be anything but a shadow. The Universe doesn’t make junk, we do. Where ever this secret I have came from, you’re being used by the person you’ve been using and manipulating all these years. I’m mining the lie that I’m nothing and have been since the very first moment I whispered: “I don’t know what I’m doing but I’m doing it any way.”

My class is performing Tuesday June 23rd at Yuk Yuks in Century Casino. Show Time is 7:30. Please come out and support the new comedians.

E MAIL ME: paulsveen@shaw.ca